The Real World: F-R-I-E-N-D Special

I learned how to spell the word "friend" by watching Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. That's right, he sang a song that I can't remember now, but part of it went something like "f-r-i-e-n-d special!" I don't know, he was wearing his loafers and casual sweater and was very convincing. Anyway, that has very little to do with my blog post except that it introduces a very important topic: friends. Friends in the real world.

Making friends post-college is very different from making them in college. It's even different than making them in grad school. College was easy, super easy. Freshman year you're thrown into dorms with strangers, you're facing lunches alone and weekends alone and classes without people to talk to unless you make friends post haste. And you do. Everyone's new, everyone's in unfamiliar territory, and most people are happy to make others' acquaintance. And this happens almost every semester. Each new class brings new faces and new personalities. You have group projects, teammates, stand partners, roommates and suite mates. Floor mates. Dorm mates. I could go on.

Then you graduate. Then I graduated. Now what? Most of my friends, including myself, moved away from school to pursue job opportunities and/or graduate school elsewhere. None of my best college buds were within easy distance anymore. Fortunately, I moved home and had a solid group of friends there, so I didn't have to completely start over. So I guess that doesn't really count. I mean, this is supposed to be all about how tough it is to make friends and really meet people in the real world. So I shall skip three years, past my year in Tulsa, past my two years in Kentucky (strange mix of school and real world there), and on to my "real" real world friend-making experiences in DC.

I don't know if you realize this, but you have to really make an effort to make friends as an adult. At least, I do. I love sitting at home so much with a good movie and/or good book that if I wasn't careful I'd end up living like a hermit with no social contact whatsoever except when I'd accidentally invade someone's personal space on the metro. Okay so most of us have jobs where we interact with other people. So? That means squat to me. Sure these folks may be nice and friendly and blah blah blah, but who's to say they're your age or have similar interests or don't live an hour away in Maryland??? Yeah, think about it. And maybe you find a couple people you really click with at the office. Okay, I accept this possibility. But is it really the same as finding 20 people in your dorm vicinity who are in the exact same place in life as you are? No! So then what?

Well I got lucky here (and by lucky I mean remarkably blessed) and moved into a house with 4 great women. The Internet is a beautiful thing - it allowed me to search for potential roommates who had similar interests. Now I didn't anticipate being besties with these people. I just wanted respectful Christian roommates who were nice enough to live with. I found them. In fact, I can even call them my friends. Is that par for the course for us mobile 20-somethings? I don't know. What if I'd decided to live alone, huh, like so many of my peers? What do those people do to avoid hermithood?

Now you get into the meat of it all. You have to make friends. You have to go to things and talk to people and make friends. Ugh!!! It's so exhausting! How to do it? Take a class? Go to the gym? Surf meetup.com to find like-minded hobbyists in your area? That involves planning and, I'm going to say it again, effort. Effort! It seems so overrated. Maybe you join an orchestra. A book club. Maybe you find a local church and get involved in a small group. (And by you I mean me, of course. Wait, just for the orchestra and book club and church parts. Don't act like I'm expanding my intellect via classes or sculpting the ol' bod. That would be too much.) Still, that's not the end of it. You can't just do it once or twice. You have to keep going back again and again. You have to remember people's names and practice those often awkward get-to-know-you conversations. Blerg. And then what if you decide you don't like what you're doing or aren't comfortable with the time it's taking or whatever other opportunity cost it's taking. Then you have to start afresh. New group, new class, new whatever, new plan of action.

I joined a small group. Sure, it's nice, but it takes a while to get anywhere near comfortable enough to not dread going every week. Think I'm crazy? Really, think about it. When you first start getting to know a group of people, isn't it just easier to say, "Eh, I could do so much more at home tonight" or "I don't really know anyone and I don't want to be that awkward quiet new person" or "They all know each other and I don't have that much to say" or whatever? The answer is, of course, yes. It is easier to say those things. Every time I give in to those sentiments I have a nice night at home but I'm still left with a desire to get more involved. To get a life, so to speak. So that means I have to go do things. Vicious cycle. So I do. Each time I dread going and really think about turning around, but then after some repetition, at some random point that I never see coming, it starts to fit. All of a sudden I'm laughing along and telling stories and I'm in on the inside jokes. And I think, "Why was I ever worried about this?"

It's no picnic. I miss the friends I grew up with, I miss the friends I spent every waking moment with between the years of 2001 and 2005. If I had my way, I'd just move everyone I care about to one place forever. How much easier would that be?! But I don't have my way. I have to keep trying and keep "effort-ing". I guess that's all part of the adventure. It certainly keeps things exciting...or, at the very least, non-boring. And maybe eventually I won't have to try as hard. At some point I'm sure I'll stay put and really plant roots and form other friendships that will last a lifetime. You never know. All you/I can do now is enjoy the ride. There will come a time when I'll look back on this year and really miss it. I'll think, "Ah, to be 26 and carefree and mobile and without responsibility."

Okay, future self. Point taken. I'll enjoy it.

Birthdays, Through Fine Wine Colored Glasses

I turned 26 last month. One guy asked me, "What's so great about turning 26? That's not one of the good birthdays, right?" WRONG. Not everyone agrees with me that turning 26 is super exciting. Some of us really don't want to get older and according to many of my friends when we start pushing thirty we're really reaching the "scary age". Wrong again, I say. Our mission, should we choose to accept it, is to look at birthdays not through rose-colored glasses but through fine wine-colored glasses. Why, you ask? Because, my friend, like a fine wine we just get better with age.

Now this year started off a bit slow. I came back from Christmas vacation with a frown on my face because I really didn't want to be working and I really didn't want to have to leave Tulsa before the siblings did. Alas, I had little choice in the matter. I dove back into work with a fervor only matched by the very least eager of turtles. Work certainly wasn't slow, but it was hard to get back into the swing of things when I really wasn't in the mood to do so. Luckily, with the inauguration of Prez Obama, I got a nice little 4-day weekend smack dab in the middle of the month. And I did what any sensible DC-er would do in that situation, I yelled "deuces!" to this gin joint. I busted out of this popsicle stand. I threw the peace sign...oh well, you get the picture. I went to Des Moines, Iowa, to visit my Trinity friend, Sarah. It was cold and quite snowy, but I had a great time. I went to a hockey game, a Rascal Flatts concert, and watched an entire season of Will & Grace on DVD. Score!
Sarah and I have similar outlooks on vacations: nothing is better than sleeping late, eating Goldfish, and watching lots of movies. So we did quite a bit of that and it was delightful. I reunited with my old roommate, Petrie (he's a dog), too, so that was good. Saturday through Tuesday (Jan. 20th) I spent in Iowa, then I flew back to DC to work for two days before my birthday. Now THAT'S what I call a good work week!

My birthday was on a Friday. Naturally, I felt compelled to take the day off work so I could celebrate properly. Another Trinity darling, Julie, came to visit me that weekend and help me kick off my 27th year in style.
And we did! Don't act like we went sight seeing and exhausted ourselves doing DC things all day. Nay. We saw a movie, ate some lunch, took naps, watched some Friends on DVD, made desserts, ate some cheesecake, watched some more movies, and laughed our faces off with my roommates. It was glorious! The very first picture on the post is of me, three of my roommates and Julie at the Cheesecake Factory on the night of the 23rd. I had all kinds of plans to go somewhere local and unique for dinner that night, but then Thursday at work I started craving birthday cheesecake and nothing else would satisfy me. Ergo...
That's a Lemon Raspberry Cream Cheesecake right there. Delish. I'll have you know that I absolutely love celebrating my birthday. Luckily, my friends really helped me out there. They told everyone within earshot that it was my birthday no matter where we went, so I got lots of good wishes and was able, in turn, to wish many others a very Merry Unbirthday. I think they appreciated it. Hey, we even saw this DC band after dinner and the band members wished me a happy birthday from stage. Now that's how you celebrate a birthday! Solid effort, everyone.

Sadly, I had to say goodbye to Julie on the 25th and send her back to Texas. Ahead of me was a week full of 5 days of work, yuck. And was that week (last week) the longest ever. Yeesh! I realized that this entire month has been pretty hectic at work and I finished the month out with a solid 5 days of hard core Smithsonian productivity. I'm hoping now that things won't be so super busy. I feel like I haven't been able to catch up on all the things I have to do, and it's time to check tasks off that list.

I have started with the checking-things-off thing, actually. First of all, I jumped through all the hoops to get my car titled and registered in Virginia this week. Blerg! I had to get it inspected, emissions tested, fixed up a wee bit, and stickered and stuff. I even had to buy two new screws for it because now I have to have a plate affixed to the front of my car as well as the back. Too much! I'm not entirely finished with this project, though, because I don't have my local/county sticker yet. Ugh, need to get that done asap. More on my progress, though...I did set up an eye appointment for this Tuesday to make sure I haven't been entirely blinded from working at a computer all day for the last 8 months. Wow, I've been working at SI for over 8 months now. That is impressive. And I still like it! Shocking! Well, generally, you know.

On another note, I was really hoping for a snow day or two this past week because we got a teaser of a winter storm - but no dice. I had to report to work on time everyday. BORING! Maybe next week. I am looking forward to spring, though. I'm tired of having to wear coats and gloves and earmuffs. I'm ready for sun and green grass and flowers. Spring approacheth!

Anyway, I am slowly but surely getting more involved and planted in the DC area. I feel that getting my car registered was a step in the right direction. I found a new church this year and signed up for a small group this morning. One of my roommates and I are going to take salsa lessons starting next week (I think). I'm still doing the orchestra thing. In fact, we have our first 2009 concert in one week. Yipes! I did practice today before rehearsal, so that's a plus. So yay all around. God is good.

Well, I'm off to pretend to watch the Super Bowl whilst really reading my new favorite stories about a butler named Jeeves. P.G. Wodehouse is hilarious. The narrator in his stories is always going on about how "corking" things are and how "rummy" bad things make him feel and spouting all sorts of other wildly amusing British-isms. I love it. In fact, I'm going to go read it aloud to myself in a horrid British accent.

Welcome to Feburary, my friends. It may be the "Tuesday" of the month, but don't despair, March is in the offing!